> as i said before, when i was in my mom's stomach, she did a lot of drugs, and so when i was born, they thought i was mentally retarded, so when all my siblings would play, i would have to sit in a high-chair and just... sit there since it wasn't safe for me.
>
> when i was adopted i was really really malnourished and skinny, and i was afraid of water, and plenty of other things! this is what my parents told me btw.
>
> i believe that all that time as an infant sitting there... thinking... instead of experimenting with the world or other people... it's lead me to live a life that's more introverted and inside my own head. my happiness doesn't come externally, rather it comes from the way i see things internally, and obviously... success which i guess you could call external, but most of the time i think it's the planning for success (internally) that makes you successfulll (externally)
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> *Luna Prey:*
> In addition to this, I feel my background of neglect as an infant and toddler has given me a small attachment dissorder which makes it difficult for me to "care" about catching up with people. This resulted in growing up pretty quiet, and reserved, and naturally, when I was around 12, and my parents let me, I flocked to the computer screen becasue it was a way that I could be mentally engaged while not having to deal with the presence of people.
> *Luna Prey:*
> Also, being withdrawn as a child-
> *Luna Prey:*
> And so, here I am. This conciousness in my mind. I am an imperfect human. I have bad memmory. I don't have very much patience, I enjoy.. over-indulging. If I like a certain kind of food or music, I will eat/listen to it for weaks at a time until I'm sick of it, and then move on. I also jump between "ideas". I get exicted about one, and start to work on it, and then get distracted as I am excited about a new idea, and I immediately hop into plans on that.
> *Luna Prey:*
> All of these flaws I as a conciousness have to address. They aren't me. They are teh result of the evnrionment this sub-concious was raised in. They have created the habbits that my subconcious will feel attached to, and as a result, attach endorphines and dopamine and perhaps even euphoria to. But I have to be strong. I have to identify this weakness, and constalty keep myself aware that this isn't what I will become. I'm not going to let who I "am" shape my fate.
> *Luna Prey:*
> So I find that I'm very very self aware. Very in my head. I'm always making sure that I am directing my attention toward something constructive.
> *Luna Prey:*
> Finally, I think I'm a narccist, and I think that really really helps me. It's interesting to say that when I was young, obviously I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box due to my childhood
shes wurs thn ths now sumhow haha
> *Luna Prey:*
> I didn't begin to have any confidence in myself until very recently actually. Perhaps 2 years ago, when I was 14, I took that IQ test, and scored well, and then I left highschool for an online highschool,
homskoold KEK
> *Luna Prey:*
> So, perhaps, than, I'm not a narccist. Perhaps I just have healthy confidence. Also, I might even argue, now that I consider this, that my confidence is a bit low. I'm always scared about the future. Sometimes I lie back on my pillow, and just ask myself if I'm living a life of dilusion. It's scary to be someone who only wants success in the world, and to live every day with the possiblity that I might be just fooling myself.
> *Luna Prey:*
> I often tell myself I'm different. I'm not like these sheep. I don't want to make friends for what.. to be friends? I don't want to impress people
> *Luna Prey:*
> In addition, I am once again, aware, that I cannot let a lack of confidence dictate the decisions I make. They should be unbiased, objective, and based on logic, and when I make them, I should have confidence in them, and myself. This, I feel, is why I have confidence. Not becsaue I have confidence, but becasue to not have it would create the possiblity of myself being an indivdual who is unconffident, and that isn't really in light with my goals.
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